Assertive vs Needy: 12 Steps to Save Your Marriage
Many believe that if they have to ask for something, then its no longer “romantic”. Thousands of marriages fail due to unmet needs, or overly demanding, “needy”, partners, however even more marriages have nourished by speaking up about their mutual needs. Alisa Bowman, a journalist by training and by education and the best selling author of the Project: Happily Ever After: Saving Your Marriage When the Fairytale Falters tells her story and how she made a discovery that saved her marriage.
In 2007 Alisa's marriage was at its lowest point, so low that she thought she would end up getting a divorce. But a friend, who actually had been divorced, told her to give it one last try- a real try. Alisa said: “I structured a plan, a marital improvement plan and started on Mother’s day. By Labor day our marriage was phenomenally improved, so much so that I realized I had something worth saving and that I married my husband for a reason.” That lead Alisa and her husband through the rest of the journey as they got closer.
Now her marriage has never been better: “Its not perfect, and I think anybody’s marriage is, but as I look back, I think: if my marriage was fixable, may be other marriages are fixable too and people just don’t know how to try.” Alisa added.
MOST RELATIONSHIP TIPS DIDN’T SPEAK TO ME
Alisa could not find the advice that would help her: “Most of the advice out there from therapists and people who gave out research and tips didn’t really speak to me, so I saw it from my own perspective. I just wanted to be honest with my readers about what worked and what didn’t while using a sense of humor. I was test-driving the same things my readers were trying.” Alisa added.
Her efforts lead to a strong following on her blog on Happily Ever After project. Alisa is not like an average marriage expert or a psychologist and she doesn’t think of herself as such, but she definitely felt the need that wasn’t fulfilled. From Alisa’s trial and error approach, she was very open to honestly share and review the advice that saved her marriage.
Alisa further commented on whether a couple’s therapy actually works: “It really depends on the therapist, those that are amazing at teaching couples skills and those that are out of touch.” It is incredibly difficult to get people on the same page which makes couple’s therapists job very hard: “Experts have to make couples be civil, assertive and make them listen to each other. Therapy is hard for one person, and when you add another one to the mix, who is not willing to try, all can lead to a bad experience.” Alisa added.
People now go online to seek free advice. We live in a high tech world, and there are several different ways to save the marriage, including social networks for two like Lovendar, its not just about marital therapy, although it is one option.