Lovendar helps busy couples stay in love. Learn More or

The Romance Gone Bad?

by on Oct 27, 2013

13 Ways to Keep The Romance Alive

It’s commonly believed that after a while the romance fizzles out and you’re left with an almost platonic life partner. It doesn’t have to be this way. As long as the love in your relationship is alive, the romance can thrive as well. You just may have to work at it a little or just download the app for that.




All successful couples know that though marriage and long-term relationships can be blissful and rewarding, they can still be a lot of work. The same holds true for the romance in your relationship. Fortunately, the “work” involved in building and strengthening a loving, takes little more than just kindness, consideration and thoughtfulness to keep the romance alive. But every now and again, devoted couples experience a lull or a screeching halt in the romance department due to unforeseen, uncontrolled, unrelated or even unknown issues.



The stress and exhaustion of ordinary, everyday life often sucks the romance right out of a strong relationship because you’re just too darned tired or distracted to make the extra effort. Dealing with work schedules, school, careers, children, traffic and daily household errands tends to sometimes cause couples to put the romance on the back burner thinking they will “get to it” later. After all, it’s difficult to arouse amorous feelings when your children are screaming, you’re working overtime and you’ve just spend two hours in stop and go bumper to bumper traffic. Because we love and understand our partners, we trust and accept that sometimes the romance needs to be put on hold. If you are not in the mood, just gather your ideas instead.



Though it’s completely understandable that life’s responsibilities must come first, it’s quite easy to lose sight of the romance in all of the hustle and bustle. This can be very damaging to a relationship. The romance is a necessary element of a loving intimate relationship. When you neglect this fact for extended periods of time, you become complacent in your relationship. It becomes easier to forget all about the romance completely. Without the romance, you’re left with a platonic friend and the memory of a love-life at best. If you have a romantic idea, just capture it, and watch your partner do it in a few weeks. This is called the power of communication.




Reports have proven that the happiest and lasting relationships made the romance a priority in the relationship which strengthened their bonds and brought them closer together. Numerous marriage counselors, life coaches and relationship experts have studied the topic of preserving and resurrecting the romance in a stale partnership for years and identified that your daily priorities define the success of your relationship.



If you’re in a new relationship, or a somewhat lengthy one in which the romance is still alive, you’re probably in a safe and comfortable place with no danger of damaging your loving bond. That’s great! However, it’s all too easy to become too comfortable and let the romance slip away unknowingly. As the old saying goes, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Don’t wait until there’s a problem and you’re feeling an emotional distance from your lover. While the romance is still present, be conscious of keeping it.



“Focus On The Family” relationship expert, Mitch Temple, recommends for couples can keep the romance alive by making time for a date night. This can be detrimental to the romance that your relationship thrives upon. “After being pulled apart by all the pressures of modern life, it is imperative to reconnect each week" Temple states, “If you don't, you won't feel close.” Arrange a couple of hours a week to have an intimate dinner, see a movie or just take a stroll in the park. Anything that focuses on the romance will do just fine.



Take a nice long look at yourself in the mirror. Do you look as good (or better) than you did when you met your partner? Though the romance in a relationship has much more to do with love than physical appearance, physical attraction is another key element to keeping the romance alive between you and your lover. Do your best to look your best and the romance may actually present itself to you without much other effort. "If you make yourself more attractive, your spouse will often become more attractive to you.” says Temple. He offers a few great suggestions of how to easily become more attractive to your partner while engaging in couples activities that literally encourage the romance level of your relationship. Indulge in makeovers together, take long walks or get a couples gym membership. You’ll both be looking good and feeling great which will significantly increase the romance level of your partnership.



Most mature couples know that a solid relationship relies in part on good communication. The romance part of your relationship is no different. You must be open and honest with you partner about what you expect the romance of your partnership to be like. In many instances, one partner thinks that the romance is there and everything is fine, while the other feels a sense of lacking. You can’t fix something if you don’t know it’s broken. Express your needs to your mate, there is a great app or that. Love and romance are a two way street and communication is your road map. Talk with your lover, about what you can both contribute to increasing the romance in your relationship.



The smallest gestures can work wonders in the romance department. Just a few little things each day can show that you appreciate him or her through kindness, consideration and thoughtfulness. “Attraction often follows on the heels of serving each other like you did in the early years of your relationship” says Temple,. “Often it's the little things that count – not the big ones.” By encouraging appreciative feelings in your lover you enable the romance to flourish greatly, ultimately preserving and strengthening your loving bonds. Such things can be performed almost effortlessly and on a daily basis and might include, taking on one of your partner’s chores, a hand picked flower, favorite meal or back massage.




Dr. Bill Maier, believes that the main tool in bringing the romance back into a marriage is communication and provides expert advice on how to approach the subject delicately. Once the romance has already left the relationship, it can sometimes be difficult for your partner to face. It’s easy to become intimidated, or even defensive when you are approached with the dreaded, “We have to talk” phrase. Dr. Maier suggests that the best way to initiate a conversation about reviving the romance in a relationship is to subtly approach it while engaged in a pleasurable activity. Arrange a day at the beach, a woodland hike, fishing trip or any type of one-on-one activity that you both enjoy. When you’re in a comfortable zone, gently express to your partner that you’d like to talk about the romance in your relationship, so you can improve it.



No one likes to be put under a microscope and bombarded with questions. The chances of improving the romance in your marriage or long-term relationship rely a great part on whether you initiate a discussion or an argument. Ask, don’t tell. “You'll want to do this in a caring, non-threatening way, and resist the temptation to tell your lover what you think is wrong with the relationship” states Maier. Ask your partner what they think you can do to increase the romance in your relationship. It’s all in the delivery. Just keep those lines of communication open and be courteous and subtle in your approach. There is an award-winning app to ask for what you want.



Don’t Be Defensive. Once you initiate the conversation and ask how you can improve the romance in your relationship, be prepared for answers you may not like. In a good relationship this is not usually a concern. However, if your partner produces a laundry list of concerns that they’ve been harbouring that have contributed to killing the romance in your relationship, - just listen. Take it all into consideration and be willing to make changes with and for your partner. Dr. Maier says, “Getting your marriage back on track needs to be a "team effort," not you telling him or her what they need to do to "fix" things.”




In a nutshell, improving the quality of the romance in a marriage or long-term relationship relies on many things. The good part is, such things are easy to accomplish. Whether you are still basking in the glory of romantic escapades in a new relationship or trying to get out of a long-lived rut, if there is love, there can be romance. It may be sleeping, but it’s not dead. If your love-life is still going strong, take the steps to keep it that way. If it has fizzled over the years, take a bigger step to bring the romance back! Practice patience, listening, communication, kindness, consideration, good hygiene and style and you’re sure to see the romance in your relationship soar to heights of great proportion. Maybe even bigger than that of your “Honeymoon” days.

Related: Top 3 Secrets Women Won’t Tell You About, Recent Study