The Best Kept Secret of a Successful Marriage

Is it really up to you?

If you are happily single, chances are you will soon also find yourself happily married. However, if you are an unhappy single, seeking a relationship in hopes of finding someone else who can make you happy, the odds are you won’t be happy in a relationship, either.

When marriages end, hindsight truly is 20/20. Most divorced people can tell you exactly where it all went wrong, and they can probably pinpoint the moment before they actually got married. A friend of mine recalls, “I got married in my mid-twenties, and it was a ticking time-bomb from the beginning. I was looking for someone to bring me happiness. I realized I am responsible for my own happiness and fulfillment. Only when I achieved that could I be happy and fulfilled in a relationship. Even the right man couldn’t make me feel right inside.”

Other divorced people can also tell you stories of how they knew they shouldn’t have gotten married because it didn’t feel right, or they knew the other person was all wrong for them. In pursuit of happiness, they overlook those gut instincts because they desperately cling to the idea that someone else holds the key to their happiness.

Achieving life long happiness in a marriage means finding happiness within. One of the best ways to be happy is to explore life alone and being content with what you have right now. Instead of trying to find happiness outside of yourself hoping someone else will fulfill all of your needs, try looking inward and upward. Emotionally and spiritually healthy, happy people have much more successful marriages than those who are not.

A Journal of Personality and Social Psychology study done by Richard Lucas of Michigan State University discovered, “Most people who get married and stay married were more satisfied with their lives than their non-married peers long before the marriage occurred.” Instead of trying to find someone who will make you happy, be happy with who you are, where you and what you have. Marriage doesn’t solve problems; in fact, marriage can make all of your problems much worse when you suddenly realize someone else has not succeeded at making you happy.

The simple strategy of a successful marriage lies within yourself. You hold the key to your own happiness.